Friday, August 30, 2013

Some News

I know it will be some time before I post this, but I am writing it on July 15.  Last Tuesday, July 9, Mike and I went to a Foster Care Orientation.  I left feeling kind of annoyed with the process, and completely without the good feeling I had expected.  The next day, I was talking to a friend of mine, and admitted that I just felt so lost.  I really didn't want to become a foster parent after all.  I could not understand the direction my life was going in.  What was I supposed to do with my life?  Why did this not feel right?  
Meanwhile, I had been feeling kind of odd.  Something in my mind kept saying "take a pregnancy test."  Well, I can't tell you how many pregnancy tests I have taken over the last 10 years, so Mike and I were a little skeptical.  Mike told me to wait, but I couldn't.  I happened to have one test, so on Thursday the 11, I tested.  I was busy cleaning up the bathroom counter, and kind of ignored what the test was doing, till I glanced over and saw "pregnant".  What!?  I just kept repeating "oh my goodness", and zombie-walked into the bedroom to wake Mike up.  I was so scared that this was a false positive.  I had never seen a positive pregnancy test in person, and I didn't even know what to do.  So, I set an appointment for the next Wednesday, and, and left a message for our fertility specialist.  They ordered a blood test for me the next morning, and reported that I was "super pregnant"  My HCG was 10,903, which might not mean much to you, unless you have gone through some infertility treatments.  It is a very high number!  Turns out I was almost 6 weeks along already!  My progesterone was lower than they wanted though, so I have been taking some supplements for that, which has brought on the nausea in full force.  I've never been so excited to be sick, though. 

So, I am happy to report that everything has been going well.  At the posting of this, I am almost 13 weeks.  It has been hard to keep this secret, and we have already spilled to so many people around us.  We have had ultrasounds, and heard the baby's heartbeat.  The most amazing things I have ever seen and heard, although I still can't believe this is happening.  I was at the absolute lowest I had ever been in my life, and completely lost.  I had started to believe that pregnancy and parenthood would never be a part of my life.  
I am still probably the most paranoid pregnant woman ever, but I absolutely believe that Heavenly Father was waiting for this moment for us to become parents.  I feel that this is His timing, and everything will be just fine, but if it isn't, I have more faith that what is supposed to happen will.

I should also mention that I also credit this to the 2 week fertility juice cleanse we did in May.  We have known about this cleanse for a long time, and over the years many people in our ward had suggested it to us.  I kind of likened it to Moses and the Brass Serpent.  A juice cleanse was not going to take care of the years of infertility we were dealing with.  Especially when I was very healthy after we started trying to get pregnant.  However, my Relief Society president, and our Bishop both suggested this diet to Mike and I this year, and if 2 people who are ordained to give you direction believe you should try something, how can you not try.  I am very thankful to them for suggesting we do that diet, and for providing the information on it.

Friday, May 10, 2013


Last weekend Mike and I headed down to the Holmes' and ventured out to the Orange Empire Railroad Museum. We had a great time exploring the park and riding old trains and trolleys. I totally recommend this to anyone with young kids!

Thursday, March 21, 2013


Today I feel broke in every sense. Financially, emotionally, and physically. On Monday, we found out that again, we are not pregnant. Everything I've been doing for the last 8 months didn't matter. This time we did a frozen embryo transfer. Again, everything looked great. Mike was really hopeful, and almost positive that it was going to work. I was a little more skeptical, but still hopeful. I know Heavenly Father could make it happen, but I didn't know if He would.
Between medications acupuncture, fees, and the transfer itself, we went through everything we had saved, and a lot of our credit cards. I'm not sure when we can afford to try this again, which makes it even harder.
When we got the results on Monday, I was actually doing pretty good. I had a feeling that I would just be emotionally better if it failed again, and for the most part, I have been. I think part of me was in shock. I kept thinking my doctor had the wrong results. Today however, I can't hold it together. I really don't know what more we could have done to make this work, and neither does my doctor.
I'm hurt, and I'm angry, and I'm broken.